Many times, in the face of a situation that seems inappropriate from parents to children, we ask ourselves colloquially "Where will they have given you the father / mother card?" We are going to give him imagination and think that there is a place where, after some classes, we can obtain the mother or father card. What would be taught at that parent school?
In other words, what minimum requirements should anyone who wants to be a father or mother have? Or can anyone be? I would say that anyone with common sense can be a father and it is true that no one is born taught and that being a father or mother is learned through practice. But since common sense is the least common of the senses, let's learn a little in this imaginary school before having our son ...
A parent school would start by asking us what kind of name will we give the baby, because there are bizarre decisions that would negatively mark children and that cause the laws of various countries to prohibit ridiculous and offensive names. In order to obtain the father or mother card, one would have to commit to giving the baby a respectful name, which is not mischievous or causes mockery.
In the school of parents they would also teach us that there are no magic methods for the baby to sleep, that we will need a lot of love and a lot of patience to endure sometimes borderline situations without losing our mind. A licensed father or mother would come out knowing that they still don't know how to help their baby sleep.
To obtain the father's card you have to learn that letting the baby cry is not good, that babies do not cry for pleasure or blackmail the world around them. Crying is the only way for the baby to communicate, we claim something, and not responding to this mechanism has physical and psychological consequences.
Of course, the father who believes that mistreating his son, verbally or physically, is not an educational option, would not obtain the card. The abuse does not educateIt can only harm children physically and psychically, creating fears and insecurities in them, perhaps perpetuating a pattern of abuse in future generations.
In parent school they should teach us that patience will be a great ally in our work, that we must keep a reserve bag for when we feel that we are missing. When we do not have standing, when the baby's cry makes us lose our mind, when our breasts hurt, when tantrums happen ... we will have to throw patience and something that will be taught in the next lesson.
In this school they will also teach us to listen, to ask, to ask for forgiveness, because many bad times when the child grows up would disappear with these simple communication techniques. Emotional education so forgotten in our days part of the house and we have to be aware of its importance to be able to put it into practice and enjoy it.
Also, every future parent to graduate would have to understand that the material does not replace the emotional. That it takes very little to receive a child in this life and that a hug is worth more than a jewel. That it is important that children value what they have and people for what they are, not for what they give or what they have.
Parents must trust their children, support and encourage them by helping them build solid self-esteem. At the same time, because it will help them increase their esteem, parents have to become a reference for them in terms of rules and limits, do not run away from them, nor impose them, we must show them and reason them because children do not They know them and they need us to be their guide.
Together with these basic concepts, to obtain the father's card we could sign a commitment to spend time with our children, dedicate time to them, that the "gray men" devouring of time do not blind us, that we are not slaves of our works and that we think about how valuable that timeshare is.
Perhaps some of these notions you already had clear before becoming parents, others learned them later, and you can always continue learning. But you will also meet parents who, without knowing how, "gave them the card".
In short, if I were the head of studies of this hypothetical parent school, these are the basic notions that I would try to acquire my students, future fathers and mothers, so that none will be left without the father's card.
We already have the father's card, but next to it there should appear an outstanding entry: "This card does not imply that you will not make a thousand and one mistakes"But it is that if we were perfect, if we were not asked questions and challenges every day ... How boring it would be to be a father!
Photos | ralph and jenny and tomontoast on Flickr-CC In Babies and more | Educate without shouting, Improve the self-esteem of our children, Limits and discipline in the education of children
