We reach the most important part of our Maternity and paternity course. To consider ourselves a conscious partnership, to understand the evolution of children, to control our negative emotions and violent reactions is a preparation to effectively develop the ability in which our upbringing in harmony will be sustained: empathy towards our children.
Empathy towards children It is the touchstone that will keep our family as a harmonious and respectful emotional space in which all members can develop as full people and feel safe and happy.
Work empathy towards our children
Now, as I was saying, comes the fundamental part of our work as educators in harmony: the development of empathy and the ability to put ourselves in the place of our children.
Understanding oneself is a process in which we must allow the child to express their needs and their negative feelings, being attentive to cover their most general needs, not just feed them or change their diaper.
The child we have allowed express your feelings and we have recognized that they are legitimate You can now understand each other better and, when you acquire the language, explain them verbally.
The baby that will be the child of tomorrow
But if we have systematically ignored your cryingWe have denied your fears or suffering, we wanted to control what you can feel and when you express it, you will have more difficulties to make yourself understood and understood. Let's leave our child with a tantrum and, in the next topic we will see how to pass this stage as one more step towards a family that knows grow in harmony.
Why one body rearing, breastfeeding on demand and skin with skin, respect for the need of the child to sleep accompanied until he does not need you, never deny the arms, everything is very important so that your little one knows how to recognize his feelings and needs and trust that They will be taken care of.
In this regard I think that the artificial feeding. In case there is any doubt, I assure you that loving and respectful upbringing is completely possible if you must use artificial breastfeeding as long as you keep your eyes, caresses, closeness and are aware that the bottle is a necessity that cannot break the connection with your son. Although surely you already know.
Do not let him cry even if it is not "time", always give him the bottle in his arms and making him feel completely embraced, look at his eyes, caress his hands, letting him touch your skin. You can even let him suck his chest for non-nutritive suction if the child does not reject it or, if that is not feasible or dislike any, offer breast substitutes to suck but also with body contact.
The bottle is a tool that you may have to use, but you can't let it get in the way. your relationship of mutual natural dependence. Thousands of women who have had to resort to breastfeeding maintain physical contact and total emotional connection with their children. If this is your case, keep trusting in love, which is many more things. And if someone judges you (because there will be someone who will), then try to be empathetic, maybe you just need to learn a little more about how great love is.
Respect to the child's dream I advise the colecho or sharing the room with the crib attached to the bed, so that the child can feel our closeness during the night. But if the family decides that the child should move to another room at a certain time you should never let him cry, or train him to sleep alone or not come if he calls us, but respect his need for physical night contact being always available to accompany him.
The growing child
We cannot demand that the child put himself in our place and understand us if we have not done so before, both from birth and as it grows.
We cannot demand that it be automatic, although, in fact, children are very empathetic if we do not destroy their ability to be, they want us to be happy, to love and accept them, and they want to please us. But they cannot understand us, nor is their role, it is ours to do it and in that way teach them to put themselves in each other's shoes so that, as they grow, that is their primary response. And with children, we already know that it is useless to say what needs to be done, what they will really learn is what we do. Children learn by example.
When our son cries, falls in love, becomes complaining or upset, wants something he cannot have or disobeys us in something really important, we must ask ourselves if this is expressing a need different and discover that it fails in your environment so that we can meet that need.
Maybe you need more attention, more time, more times in the park, sleep accompanied. Maybe you have a problem at school with a classmate or teacher or maybe you are simply not prepared to separate from us for so many hours. The fault, in the end, cannot be the child's if we are demanding something you are not prepared to do or we are not providing the safe environment you need at that time.
In addition, children are people and as such, they are different from each other and it is not fair to demand that they all go at the same pace that marks society or our adult occupations. We cannot always give them what they need (I don't mean things, things are substitutes for emotions in most cases) but at least they recognize that they have the right to feel sad or bored or be afraid.
As I said, Parenting in harmony is a race at the bottom in which we accompany the growth and education of our children as unique people. And as the bottom races do not win from one moment to another. Little by little, making ourselves aware of the needs of the children, talking with them, negotiating the negotiable, being flexible and affectionate, we take step by step.
If the tantrums we face them with serenity and empathyWithout getting enraged, without shouting or punishing, without using humiliating words or threats, we will be teaching our children that their blind trust in us can be maintained, that we deserve their love without limits, and, next time, or next time , or next time, when it's time, the tantrum will be much softer and the understanding between you and them will be much more harmonious.
Really, develop and apply patience and empathy in parenting They really work. And, if you have problems handling them, review the previous topics of our Maternity and paternity course; We have given you some ideas to recognize anger, control it, communicate with children and understand them better. And we will continue trying to help you and help you achieve and improve as parents and as people.
