There is a current of thought that considers the child to be a manipulative and selfish being to whom his parents and educators must tame to get him to do what they have decided is appropriate, regardless of whether the child understands and assumes those rules as necessary or if the way to achieve his obedience is beneficial for the child or damages him emotionally But There are serious dangers if we decide to apply "parenting methods" that are based on behavioral techniques to parenting.
The manipulative child
It is also considered that the signs of disobedience, bad behavior, crying and screaming of children are, fundamentally, failures the child has and that they must be corrected, and not normal manifestations of an inner imbalance, of their unmet needs or of negative emotions that are not being heard. The parents will be accused of not be quite firm and they are urged not to yield to the blackmail of their children, taking the reins and being those who use the blackmail to dominate the childish behavior.
To top it off, these ideas are now reinforced by alleged breeding experts, of varying degrees, which, extolled by the media or publishing houses, offer simple and detached formulas to ensure that parents educate, or rather, train their children, based, frequently, on denial of attention if the child does not do what is expected and using praise, affection or food as a reward if he obeys and does not bother.
But, returning to the parenting methods with behavioral techniquesIt is striking that they usually have something in common: Advise parents to ignore the child if he claims themIf you cry, if you ask for something or if you suffer, or if you need night comfort, on the basis that "bad behaviors" should be changed with rewards and punishments, rather than investigated to find emotional deprivation or the problem that causes them .
Is the problem behaviorism?
I want to clarify that the danger behaviorism is not the problem in itself, but using their techniques to modify children's behaviors that have emotional or physical causes without delving into them, or even to modify behaviors that are simply normal in children but that annoy parents.
Behaviorism has valid uses and, in the end, encouraging good behavior with words of encouragement, could be a way of applying behaviorism to parenting, reinforcing positive behaviors with praise (although this would give for much better day another talk about this and when it is convenient and when it is not).
The normal child and the wishes of the parents
Initially they pose supposed achievements necessary at certain ages as indispensable for the healthy development of the child. Some are as clearly false as waiting for a one-year-old child to sleep alone in his crib without bothering at night, or for a two-year-old child not to be playing with his parents, or for a three-year-old child to set the table. or dress alone or store your toys.
The idea, in the end, is that children acquire a very early autonomy and disturb as little as possible, imposing guidelines that are contrary to their own moment of maturation and natural evolution.
Another thing that they put a lot of emphasis on is that the child picks up his toys without help or does not claim the attention of his parents if they are at his things. Come on, make it look as much as possible to a ficus or a miniature adult.
As I said, the fundamental advice is that the tears, anger, tantrums or complaints of children should be ignored. Just ignore them. The idea is that if attention is given to a child who expresses his frustration or emotional suffering, his behavior will be reinforced.
Change behavior
That is to say, you try to change the behavior ignoring her, punishing indifference and neglect, the need is not met that is expressing itself through that frustration, fear, anxiety or anger. The lack of ethics in this way of treating children, who are people, is evident.
It is even encouraged to leave the child crying alone lying on the floor, kicking and, in some cases, leave them also if they vomit from the tension. Let's not forget that we are dealing with immature sujeros, with less control of their emotions than we are and that they need a safe environment that gives them the peace of mind of being taken care of when they need it to develop emotionally healthy. When a child's behavior bothers the first thing is to reflect on whether this behavior is normal, natural, evolutionarily healthy or shows that the child suffers some suffering that we should solve. Suppressing is not the solution.
The idea that is transmitted to parents is that their children do not suffer, but want to manipulate them. Children suffer, and it may happen that very important needs are those that are being neglected: attachment, closeness, shared play and respect in the treatment. But even this child may find himself tired or hungry, rather than "capricious." Or you may not be prepared for the adult goals we have set for you. Or even being bad in his crib and crying without anyone coming to comfort him.
If parents are repeated that they must be insensitive to the needs of affection or attention of their children They are also being programmed to become insensitive to their children's feelings or thoughts or desires. We could say that behaviorism is also applied to parents, in order to make them numb towards their children and their emotions.
The child is denied the right and legitimacy of his emotions, they are ignored and despised, they are renamed and avoided, getting, in the end, that the child himself is not able to express himself or trust that he will be taken care of. Another issue deserves to explain how the use of these behavioral techniques can damage the healthy attachment of the child with their parents. I will deal with it in the next few days as it is the issue in which these methods are most harmful.
