Valentine's Day knocks on our doors and we realize that we have not had time to plan anything special with our partner. But, Is it that we who have children are not in love? Of course not, unless we weren't before.
So, as the song would say, "what happened to us? How have we changed" ... I think I don't say anything unknown to parents if I affirm that the arrival of a baby changes the relationship, and especially when the children are our children priorities logically change.
To this can be added the lack of time, fatigue, disagreements when it comes to caring for children ... Where are the intimate conversations, the beautiful words? Where are the cuddles that we were doing and that, among other things, helped the baby to be here today?
The arrival of children is a very significant change in our lives and you have to know how to adapt. For that we only need time and good will. The first years of the baby's life need unlimited attention, and other needs are momentarily relegated. But the symbiosis and dependence of the baby are necessary, so we must seek balance.
In love without sex
That we do not have sex does not mean that we are not in love, do not want it or at least do not remember it as something that we would like to return to later.
Postpartum is a very delicate situation for women who need a physical and emotional recovery to resume sexual relations. The father may also be affected by multiple reasons that momentarily make him lose his sexual appetite.
This, added to the lack of time and the displacement of the attention of which we spoke previously, makes it possible to spend months without resuming sexual contact.
But little by little, if the time does not come, we must look for moments of intimacy with the couple and recover the bond.
Recently I heard on the radio how a sexologist recommended that although in those first months of the baby's life there was no time or desire to have sex, we had to make it clear that we were waiting for the moment to resume these relationships, and we had to put interest in that indeed They will return.
In any case, there is nothing better for the accumulated fatigue and relaxation of going to bed to take advantage and hugging or caressing us remembering not only the joys that our baby has given us during the day but those that he gave us, gives us and Our partner will give us. Even if we have discussed during the day, something that is most common.
We argue for everything
We argue with our parents until we are adults and we will discuss with our children when they grow up, but that does not mean that we do not love them or that they do not love us.
The arrival of a baby can alter the coexistence with the couple, who has modified their previous routine, who may not feel comfortable with their new tasks, who do not find time for themselves, who face with different criteria the way to raise the baby , who do not sleep well, that they are exhausted ...
In these situations we must act patiently, stopping to count to 10 many times, weighing our priorities, and talking a lot. If you can't now, we'll talk later.
The children arrived and the love is over
However, we have all heard or lived closely stories in which the arrival of the children meant the breakup of the couple. There are as many possible cases as people who have suffered, but I think that, in general, love did not end when the children arrived but something failed before.
The relationship has to be strong and we have to put a lot in common to be a family, and all the "adverse" situations we have talked about before can help to finally break the relationship. If the children had not come, sooner or later, it would most likely be broken.
That does not mean that where there is love everything is an oil raft, because the arrival of the new member to the home will bring discussions as we have said, disagreements, tiredness, forgetting ... And for that we must act and be strong, knowing that it is something passenger. But if the problem is not temporary, we can do little.
Finally, I will say that it not only seems to me that being in love with children is possible (Just as we were without children), but now we have more family members to fall in love with.
If with our children that love is instinctive and arrives without realizing it, with our partner we will have to take care of the relationship and remember that we are facing a circumstantial situation that will gradually change and with our involvement will change.
Photos | vsmoothe and ephotography on Flickr In Babies and more | When having a child uncovers the box of thunder, Crying babies affect the relationship, Being a dad: what to do before the Baby Blues
