It is not easy to be a mother in these times. Wow, being a mother has never been easy. We are constantly working to be better and we are learning this whole issue of motherhood along with the growth and development of our children.
But I think being a mother in these times is more difficult than before. Now with the use of social networks, the motherhood of all mothers is constantly being watched, criticized or envied.
We fall, perhaps unconsciously, in trying to show a perfect life and assume that others have it. And although many of us enjoy seeing those Instagram accounts where dream maternity shows are shown, with houses that look like an IKEA catalog and children who always look flawless, we know that this is not the reality of most families.
That is why Shannon Peterson, mother blogger of 2 children, decided to remind her followers that Motherhood is not how you look on social networks.
In Babies and more Real motherhood vs. idealized motherhood In a photo posted on his Instagram account, Shannon tells the reality behind those edited and retouched maternity photos. He had had a particularly difficult day and decided to share what a mother's life really is like:
Just in case you thought my real life was anything like these tiny squares, I give you: this is 4 months. J has been an incredibly easy baby, from labor to delivery to him being here. But 4 months happened and his needs have grown tenfold. The other day I spent THREE HOURS like this, people. J had to be swaddled, on his back, in my arms. While I was bouncing on my giant exercise ball (never once used for it's intended purpose). With my boob perfectly resting in just the right spot on his chin. Our house was (is) a mess, my breakfast (lactation smoothie) sitting abandoned behind me, dirty hair and desperately in need of a shower (and 5 minutes without someone touching me) - and at the brink of tears. I mean, I was too lazy to even take the sticker from our movers off the stability ball and I'm pretty sure you can see the remnants of my snowflake crafting on the carpet next to the couch I forgot to clean up. The truth is, this is who I am most days. Not a put together human who has her act together. Not a mom who can juggle working from home, kids, etc. I'm just a crazy person trying to maintain some semblance of calm while attempting to figure it all out. Counting down the hours until bedtime and the kids are asleep, and then that first delicious sip of Gin & Tonics or wine. And you better believe I VSCO and heavily edited the you-know-what out of this picture to make it look light and airy and "fit my feed". Because I'm stuck on the couch under a 4 month old cluster feeding little dude who won't have anything to do with anyone but me. - Here's to YOU mama, holding it together even when it gets rough. And even if you're not, you're still a part of this club of crazy. Anyone else having a really rough week? - - - - #beautifulbfing #breastfeeding #breastfeedwithoutfear #breastfeedingmom #motherhood #fedisbest #darlingmovement #ourCada diaMoments #bfing #breastfeedingisbeautiful #mommyandme #momlife #mommylife #noshame #normalizebreastfeeding #rainbowbaby #happymom #mamabear #theDulcetLife #boymom #feelthefeelings #joyfulmamas #liveauthentic #motherhoodunpmothmam #mothermommythm #mothermommythm #mothermommythm #mothermommythommythm # # #
A post shared by Mom Blogger || Shannon (@shynnz) on Feb 1, 2017 at 4:59 pm PST
Just in case they thought that my real life is something like what you see in these little pictures, I tell you the following: this is 4 months. "J" has been an incredibly docile baby, from birth to being here. But four months have passed and their needs have increased tenfold. The other day I spent THREE HOURS like that. "J" needed me to wrap him and put him on his back, in my arms. While I bounced on my exercise ball (which has never been used for its purpose). With my chest resting perfectly right in the exact place of his chin. Our house was (is) a disaster, my breakfast (a milkshake for breastfeeding) is abandoned behind me, I had dirty hair and desperately needed a shower (and five minutes without anyone touching me) - and I was on the edge of the tears. I mean, I was too lazy to remove the labels of our move from the exercise ball. And I am very sure that you can see the remains of my craft of snowflakes on the carpet next to the chair that I forgot to clean. The truth is that this is how I am most days. I am not a mom who can juggle work with home, children, etc. I'm just a crazy person trying to keep a calm face while trying to decipher everything. I count the hours for bedtime and the children go to bed, and then I can take a delicious sip of a gin and tonic or wine. And you better believe that I used VSCO and edited this image a lot to fit the rest of my photos. Because I'm stuck in the chair, under a 4-month-old boy who doesn't want anything to do with anyone except me. - This is for you mom, you try to keep everything in order even when things get tough. And even if you don't make it, you are part of this madness club. Is anyone else having a difficult week?
Shannon, who has recently suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety, decided to start sharing on her Instagram account a more real vision of motherhood after seeing their social networks full of photographs and publications that appear to be perfect.
"Checking my social networks is difficult - seeing all those beautiful moms with their hair and makeup done every day, with everything in order they leave me thinking about why I can't do that. Why I can't do what they all do. Why my pants before pregnancy are still very tight, why my room is not perfectly decorated and impeccable, why I do not always feel those words of 'motherhood is beautiful' that are shared so much. I have felt very little inspired and honestly, very emotional because I do not reach his height"Shannon comments in an interview for the Huffington Post.
The photograph she shares was one that her husband took without her noticing, and decided to publish it without trying to represent perfection or something that looked like it, hoping it would not turn against him.
But the answer was different from what she imagined. His post has received more than 2,000 likes on Instagram and many mothers have left comments saying how much they feel identified, telling how they also feel that way when they see posts on social networks and thanking their honesty.
For Shannon, social networks are like a double-edged sword: "I love that they allow me to connect with other women who think like me, to be able to share my story and seek and find support, but I think they also create very crazy ideals, being watching what others do and trying to be like them, of which we cannot escape. I think it's easy to forget about the need to share difficult things, because we want people to know how amazing it is to be a mom and dad. But I think it’s also very important to talk about things that are not so great for people to see that it’s normal."
As a mother and blogger I understand Shannon's point perfectly. We have in common that we both decided to share our motherhood with the rest of the world, making community with other women and at the same time opening a door through which many criticisms can enter. But precisely because we choose to take our motherhood in a more public way than most mothers, I consider that we must show a real motherhood.
In Babies and more Be a mother in times of Instagram and PinterestHighlighting and sharing the good things that happen to us on social networks is normal, why shouldn't we enjoy and celebrate a moment of joy? I personally enjoy seeing when someone is doing well or is happy. But also it is important to show from time to time that not everything is perfect or pink. Because I have been (and still be on occasion) on the other side, that side that looks at all the images of perfect maternity and that make me feel that I am a failure as a mother to not be able to do everything, and also with style and grace.
We must remember and see that we have many imperfect mothers. What is normal and it's okay not to be perfect and avoid comparing ourselves to others. Each carries her motherhood as best she can and as she thinks best. Seeing other real mothers is something that helps us feel that we are not the only ones who have difficult days.
