I start this topic on optimism learning with a video of the TED in which the teacher Martin Seligman Explain your general thinking. I have not been able to upload it directly with Spanish subtitles but you can find it on the TED page, which does offer that possibility. I think that before continuing with our Maternity and Paternity Course it is a good idea to see it together.
I am going to quote something that Professor Seligman told in an interview about how his little daughter taught him a clue to educate children and help them be happier.
I've written a lot about that moment because it was like an epiphany. I was in the garden, weeding weeds, and my daughter danced around me, and threw weeds into the air. I yelled at him to stop doing that. She left very angry and a few minutes later she came back and said: “When I turned five I promised not to whine anymore and I did that. On the other hand, you are still a grump. ” That observation stuck with me and made me change. I understood that educating a child does not consist in constantly correcting him, but in appreciating his strengths, and in feeding them as much as possible. I also wondered if the main contribution of psychology could also be that: to help people find their own virtues and be happier.
We have talked, in the previous topics, about how simple it is to provoke a defenseless response in children and of the environments and circumstances in which they may be exposed to develop it. Today, in our Maternity and Paternity Course we will try to offer you some ideas to help you overcome it, but above all, to help you develop a optimistic, positive and creative thinking: to be happier.
Optimistic children
I recommend you read Seligman's book "Optimistic Children", a true wonder. He explains in a very accessible way the results of his life as a researcher and offers practical solutions to work positive thinking at home and at school.
His thesis is that we learn from childhood a model of thought or "explanatory style" about adversities, problems and the very functioning of the world. Parents, from early childhood, we are the ones who mostly instill in our children a way of understanding themselves and the environment (personal, school, etc.).
The most interesting thing is that, in the book, Seligman proposes practical teaching exercises to parents and educators to help children and adolescents achieve control over their lives and face the world with an optimistic, realistic and full of strengths to rely on. The warning sign would be to be attentive to behaviors or phrases that include the word always or never related to themselves and discouragement in the face of challenges.
His work in this regard began with a program that I developed in Philadelphia schools and he used comics, role-playing games, normal games, discussions and videos to teach his concepts and apply cognitive therapy to school-age children. He taught them to detect their automatic thoughts and judge their thoughts, and then teach them to better manage their problems.
Parents can teach optimism
In the book he develops a series of techniques that parents should first apply to themselves Then you can practice them with your children.
The point is to be able to detect our own negative thoughts that make us feel bad, understand that our beliefs about ourselves and the world do not have to be true, strive to give coherent explanations to negative situations that do not include automatic thoughts (from type "I am clumsy" or "nobody understands me") and finally, control our tendency to think that things will go the worst possible so as not to block us.
Of course, we must take great care of what we tell them, but especially if we see in them a negative image of themselves and their abilities. There are times when it is possible to address these issues with children, being careful with their feelings, without denying them the right to constructive criticism. We must talk with them, without prior judgments or pressures, getting them to tell us about their experiences, problems, thoughts and feelings.
Seligman proposes that parents carry out a series of exercises with their children to teach them develop that positive and realistic internal dialogue and to detect your automatic ideas. First with stories and finally, addressing real-life situations of the child, parents accompany him in a process in which he manages to address the problems.
Talking a lot with our children we can give them resources so that they understand that they can look for creative solutions, rely on other people, look for the real explanation of their experiences and observe them from a positive point of view to overcome the negative by making them see their talents and resources and evaluating What they can change.
“The optimism learned does not work through an unjustifiable positivity towards the world, but through the power of non-negative thinking”
I recommend the book "Optimistic children"But, if you do not decide to read it, working your way of seeing yourself, being attentive to the messages we send to our children and helping them to redirect towards the learning of optimism will always be an indispensable path.
You can start doing some practices or telling us if you have detected that your children define themselves negatively or automatically analyze the causes of their problems, reviewing with them the daily experiences and giving them the opportunity to reformulate their way of understanding them.
Within our Maternity and Paternity Course there is a premise: Educating children is above all a process in which we ourselves must have the courage to re-educate ourselves.
In Babies and more | Will our child be a happy child? Maternity and paternity course: understanding tantrums, Maternity and paternity course: baby communication, Maternity and paternity course: control anger, Maternity and paternity course: recognize anger, Maternity and paternity course: let's express love
)
