Yesterday we published an entry talking about the natural aging and of how parents evolve as time goes by.
We explain that many fathers and mothers begin to educate their children in a different way than they had thought, usually realizing that the needs of the children are different from what the vast majority of people explain that they should be offered.
At that moment they begin to discover another option to educate and begin to form from that starting point, realizing that it is possible to raise a child in a more respectful way than the traditional and wanting to show what they learned to other people.
The first angry appear with those who want to advise
Full of information, good intentions and feeling different from the rest, for trying to improve the world in which they live through their children, fathers and mothers who defend natural parenting go through a stage, more or less long, in the that are especially susceptible to the criticisms of others.
The parents, the in-laws, the older sister, the neighbor of the fifth, the pediatrician, the one waiting in line at the greengrocer behind them, the one who sits in front of the bus, the nurse, the cashier super and ultimately a large number of people, who are convinced that the education they received remains the only way to ensure that children do not become insolent teenagers capable of recording fights on a mobile, they advise, in a free way and without They care too much about their recipients' opinions, use more disciplinary methods than those parents are carrying out, such as setting schedules or dates to the rhythms of babies (eating every 3 hours, removing the diaper before two years, etc.) ), remove the tit to eat more "real food", etc.
All this makes these fathers and mothers feel attacked, hurt, questioned and angry to see that the environment does not understand why they treat their children like this and why they don't treat them the way they suggest them.
Moreover, anger increases even more when they realize that they have to receive such advice and lessons with a smile and almost giving thanks when it turns out that others take their words as a direct attack on their abilities as a mother or father ("Are you calling me a bad mother?", "Sorry, but you're not a better mother for ...", etc.).
Not everyone wants to change
Soon, as they explain to more and more people what parenting is with attachment, parents realize that not all people want to look for another truth, as not all sheep would escape from the flock if they had the possibility to do so because sometimes, the need to be accepted by the majority, to belong to society, is greater than the desire to know other realities.
I still remember a friend who, when talking about perhaps looking for a Waldorf school for my son, replied: “Well, no. I want my son to be normal. ”
You learn to live and live with the rest
The first reaction to see that there are those who prefer not to know other options is that of misunderstanding: How can it be that they do not want to learn to educate children with more respect and less violence? They ask. However, with the passage of time they end up understanding that not everyone lives for and for their children, and that it is something totally lawful and respectable to be so.
There are people who, badly and soon, "do not want to warm their heads very much", and prefer to educate with the fast path ("I said no and period"), instead of spending time and words negotiating and reaching agreements that help to parents and children to grow both as people.
Over time the fathers and mothers who defend parenting with attachment and who felt, in part, citizens of another world, almost angry with the rest for not taking advantage of the opportunity offered each time a child is born to build a future best, they begin to relativize certain things and learn to live and live with the rest.
Thus they enter a moment of life in which they live and let live and respect other parenting options, despite not communing with them (well, not all parents reach this stage of maturation, but it would be desirable, of course).
But criticism continues
But nevertheless criticism or free advice continues, are still produced, and some parents decide to let do, smile, prove right and forget 0.6 seconds after the message received. Other parents prefer to respond, calmly and naturally (some more, others less), showing the reason for their actions and their parenting style.
Summarizing
Criticisms and free opinions are received by everyone. As it is usually said, when you are a mother, whatever you do, you will do it wrong.
Criticism or opinion tends to annoy all parents except those who ask for it or who expect it with gratitude to try to be better parents.
Those who have a rather respectful parenting philosophy, similar to the so-called natural aging or attachment breedingThey go through certain stages and in some of them they feel more susceptible.
That is why it is easy to see fathers and mothers commenting angrily how bad they felt when this or that person told him that he was doing something more or less bad to his son and that he should do something to solve it.
The intention of the two entries dedicated to this topic is to show the more or less standard evolution of these parents, so that their behavior, their feelings and the reason for some of their acts are understood.
In the end, sooner or later, as I said, all (at least the most educated), end up by See, hear and shut up, unless asked or questioned.
Photos | Flickr - oksidor, molly_darling, Robert Whitehead
In Babies and more | Natural parenting, free advice and how parents who grow up with attachment (I) evolve, Parenting with attachment (Attachment parenting), About neomachism and parenting with attachment, The chemistry of secure attachment, John's attachment theory Bowlby
