The arrival of a new baby home is an important moment for the whole family, but if there is someone who will be surprised and affected by the change, that will be your son or daughter who becomes "older." When a little brother comes home, what about the elder?
Probably the mother and father have enough time (at least several months) to reflect on the possibilities, their feelings, they may experience fears, doubt whether the second child will be loved as much as the first ... But young children are barely aware of the changes that are approaching and suddenly encounter a reality that can be difficult for them.
It is normal for brothers and sisters to live with some difficulty the changes that originate, starting with one that is quite inevitable and that the attention they received will be shared with the arrival of a new baby. It is likely that at first the reactions of the major are very different to those triggered a month or two after the birth of the baby.
He may be affectionate at first and now he seems not to love the baby so much. Or it may be the other way around, that attachment reactions such as cooing, reassuring, singing to the baby ... arrive with the weeks (this is more frequent). Anyway, surely in a few years they are inseparable, they will love each other, they will have fun together ... and they will also peel, of course. But, until then, how to help the older brother with the arrival of the baby?
Help the older brother with the arrival of the baby
For now, we can help the little brother or sister taking into account these tips:
It is convenient to make them participate in the pregnancy, teaching them the ultrasound, to accompany us to the gynecologist, to choose a baby clothes, participate in the decoration of the room or the adaptation of the house ...
Surely the child will have many questions about pregnancy and the truth must be answered, avoiding fantasies or complicated answers, with language adapted to their age.
Another issue to talk about before the baby arrives is the time of delivery, since you will probably have to stay at a family member's home and spend a day or a couple of days without seeing mom. You have to choose in advance the people who will take care of the child, with whom the child feels comfortable.
If you had planned any important changes such as removing the child from your room, entering the nursery ... better leave it for later whenever possible. In this way we avoid that you relate the arrival of the baby with those changes that will probably be difficult for you.
We must try to make children see that not everything is sacrifices: being "older" has its advantages, even if they are still small and remain our little children ("princess", "baby", "heart" ...; try to have those affectionate names remain exclusive, and give the baby others).
The moment of entry home with the baby is delicate. If possible, the child should go to the hospital for a moment to see the mother with the new baby and establish a first contact. When returning from the hospital with the baby, it is advisable that the child goes into the arms of a person other than the mother and she can hug the "elder".
We can involve them in the care of the baby in tasks that are simple and pleasant (bring diapers, choose clothes, help in the bathroom. let her know if she cries ...). Not forcing them to help us if they don't want to, maybe it's a matter of the moment.
It is good to set certain limits, to tell them that they cannot take the baby alone, or harm them ... Let's try not to leave them alone with the baby for a long time.
Older children will demand much more attention, and perhaps in the most "inopportune" moments (when we are breastfeeding, bathing or changing the baby ...). Therefore, it is important to anticipate, try to be accompanied at those moments to take care of the elderly or share those moments trying to be entertained (with a story or drawing a picture for the baby or for mom ...).
Encourage your child to talk about what he feels before the little brotherIf he is very small, he will not be able, but as soon as they develop a certain linguistic ability, they can try. It is important that you feel heard and that we support you. We can give a name to what he feels or tries to explain (fear, fear, jealousy…) by telling him that it is normal for him to have contradictory feelings at times.
It is time to show an "exaggerated love" to the eldest son, who does not doubt a moment of our love. This can be hard sometimes, with postpartum fatigue, fears of the first days at home ... but you have to make an effort. We must devote attention to the elderly, provide moments of leisure, games ...
If the brother says that he does not want the baby, that he does not like it, that he is ugly or wants to "give it back", it must be understood that he feels it that way (and tell him) but let him see that he can also care for the baby, despite that sometimes it is not so because we know that some habits have changed and he does not like that.
Despite all the above advice, it is very likely that the child reacts with some behavior or anger reaction, has more tantrums than usual, cry more ... Being the dethroned prince is not easy.
We have to be patient and understanding with these reactions and remind you that we love you very much: unconditional love is the best recipe for the dethroned prince not to have a bad time.
Photos | Thinkstock
In Babies and more | When you doubt whether or not to have a second child, Love multiplies with each child, Show an exaggerated affection to the eldest son
